she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
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I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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