Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
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Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
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I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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