There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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