so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize