yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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