M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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