No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
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You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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