i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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