Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize