Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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