He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize