i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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