I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize