Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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