WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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