Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
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Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You pole danced in your parka.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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