We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize