the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
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The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
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I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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