Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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