They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
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At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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