My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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