she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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