Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize