So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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