I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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