im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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