totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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