I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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