Cold hands, warm shart.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize