I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize