Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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