peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize