Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize