the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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