Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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