Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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