so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
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I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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