tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
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My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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