we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize