wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize