You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
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He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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