How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All the doctor said was why
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize