You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize