just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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