I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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