i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
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The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just high enough for therapy.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
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By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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