dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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