I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize