having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
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Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
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Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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