that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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